kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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