we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
