I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
