I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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