I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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