i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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