I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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