i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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