cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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