I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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