just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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