Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
