i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
