successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
