Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
