You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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