She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
