so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
