my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
