I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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