I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
