remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
