There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
