i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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