After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
