Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
