So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
