I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
