you have to choose: penises or morals?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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