I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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