P.S. I can't hear my feet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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