Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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