Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
