Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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