we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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