Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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