You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
