i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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