..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
