I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
