I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My cat gives me a boner
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's get the cat blown out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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