Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
