How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
