I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
