Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
