It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
