he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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