You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
