I wish I could teleport
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
