the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
