He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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