Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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