I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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