mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
