I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
