No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
