She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
