what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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