When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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