just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
