i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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