Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
