Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
