Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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