fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dear god my vagina.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize