Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
