:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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