I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
