Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
