I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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